Finding faith?

Noshic's picture

What is the nature of saving faith? What if you end up in a situation opposite to the man in Mark 9:20-24..in the sense, you know God CAN, but you no longer believe that He WILL help you or save you?

What if despite having had what you thought was true faith, despite centering your life on God for years, all you get is silence within and without? You see your life falling apart in every possible way for no rhyme or reason - esp in areas where you completely trusted God to deliever you with a child-like faith. And on top of it there is no inner transformation...you follow a check-list of dos and don'ts because it says so in the Bible - but there's no real fruit of the Spirit within - no joy, hope, love or peace...Atleast, even if it was there earlier - it has died.

So what conclusions do you draw from your experiences or the lack of those? That your faith is weak? Well, how does one produce a stronger faith?

I've been praying for faith and spiritual health for years...what more must I do to have proper faith? Doesn't faith flow from grace? So have I been denied that grace? After yrs of opposition, should I accept Calvinism to be true? That grace is extended only to a select few, and I don't happen to be one?

And if faith is a function of my will, then how do I go about willing it? In the last couple of months, I've strongly come to doubt that I have whatever it takes to have God's presence in my life. I look at my life now, and all I feel for God is fear - for bad as things are, I know He could make them even worse (in order to test me?). How can I fake a loving devotion to Him?

It's a very strange situation - I know my life is not worth a bean without God...yet I also know that He's not in my life and there's nothing I can do to bring Him into my life..desperate though I may be..Can one continue to believe that God is in his life year after year, in the absence of any internal or external corroboration of that?

Noshic's picture

Thank you all for your very

Thank you all for your very thoughtful and loving responses.

Denys, I'm convinced that without Him, I can do nothing. But that's precisely it - it is esp the areas where I've yielded completely to Him, where things have fallen completely apart...almost as if He's not involved. If I'd resorted to worldly wisdom and manipulation, outwardly things could have been much better, but I never thought anything was worth more than God..But the trouble is that I seem to be without even God at present..and that I cannot stand. That thought tortures me much more than the loss of whatever else I may have lost.

Martinmmallon, I was moved to tears by your wife's post and the depth of understanding and empathy she's poured into it. What a heart! I'm totally overwhelmed. I haven't forgotten how God seemed to carry me thru the storms of life...but it's been so many years and I can't help wondering what's gone wrong. Why this complete silence? Maybe it too shall pass - maybe I'll figure out whatever it is that I'm supposed to learn..

Justin, you're not the least bit out of line. If I hadn't broken out of tradition, and thought out of the box myself - I would never have turned to Christ - since I come from a somewhat superficially religious Hindu background. It has been a pretty solitary walk in faith all along. I have a 140+ IQ, and perhaps used most of it in seeking meaning in life, seeking God, trusting that 'seek and you will find'. I've reached the limits of my intellect. Ultimately, whatever I need to understand, God has to reveal it Himself - even correct me completely if I've got it all wrong..I'm not here to construct a philosophy, but to hear His voice. However, I do feel that there's a time to figure out and understand your Father, and there's a time when you just need a hug from Him..

There is one other thing that occured to me, that everytime I come close to seeking Baptism, things start going horribly wrong. I've never thought much about the devil, but maybe he's at work here..this time making me question the very presence of God in my life, making me doubt my faith, and telling me that baptism will be useless, dishonest and phony in the absence of faith, in the absence of Christ.. Maybe that's too simplistic - I don't know anymore.

All I know is that I am not equipped to handle life without God - as it is so utterly meaningless...yet He seems to have packed His bags and left. I'm knocking, but the door seems shut in my face. Not giving up yet, but I do feel paralysed.

Noshi

Noshi




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