19. These discussions,
therefore, concerning the different deserts of married women, and
of different widows, I would not in this work enter upon, if, what
I am writing unto you, I were writing only for you. But, since
there are in this kind of discourse certain very difficult
questions, it was my wish to say something more than what properly
relates to you, by reason of certain, who seem not to themselves
learned, unless they essay, not by passing judgment to discuss, but
by rending to cut in pieces the labors of others: in the next
place, that you yourself also may not only keep what you have
vowed, and make advance in that good; but also know more carefully
and more surely, that this same good of yours is not distinguished
from the evil of marriage, but is set before the good of marriage.
For let not such, as condemn the marriage of widowed females,
although they exercise their continence in abstaining from many
things, which you make use of, on this account lead you astray, to
think what they think, although you cannot do what they do. For no
one would be a madman, although he see that the strength of a
madman is greater than of men in their sound senses. Chiefly,
therefore, let sound doctrine both adorn and guard goodness of
purpose. Forsooth it is from this cause that catholic females, even
after that they have been married more than once, are by just
judgment preferred, not only to the widows who have had one
husband, but also to the virgins of heretics. There are indeed on
these three matters, of marriage, widowhood, and virginity, many
winding recesses of questions, many perplexities; and in order by
discussion to enter deeply into and solve these, there is required
both greater care, and a fuller discourse; that either we may have
a right mind in all those things, or, if in any matter we be
otherwise minded, this also God may reveal unto us. However, what
there also the Apostle saith next after, “Whereunto we have
arrived, in that let us walk.”22642264 But we have arrived, in what
relates to this matter on which we are speaking, so far as to set
continence before marriage, but holy virginity even before widowed
continence; and not to condemn any marriages, which yet are not
adulteries but marriages, by praise of any purpose whatever of our
own or of our friends. Many other things on these matters we have
said in a Book concerning the Good of Marriage, and in another Book
concerning Holy Virginity, and in a Book which we composed with as
great pains as we could against Faustus the Manichee; since, by
most biting reproaches in his writ449ings of the chaste marriages of
Patriarchs and Prophets, he had turned aside the minds of certain
unlearned persons from soundness of faith.